A Wife a Husband Appreciates

Jacob and Emileigh

I received quite a bit of feedback from the What Makes a Man a Man post.  To be honest, I was a bit reticent to write such an article simply because we are all flawed creatures and any list almost guarantees the opportunity to feel as though we can't measure up.  But I also think it's good to be purposeful, to approach life with some totems of wisdom.

Having said that, I immediately began to ponder what nuggets of insight I could (and have) pass on to my daughters for what makes a wife that a husband appreciates.  This one is a bit tricky.  After all, I am one.  Anything that makes its way to print becomes a gleaming neon sign that says, "Go ahead.  Try to hit the mark.  I dare you."  That's not my intent at all.  It's simply prayers and teachings that we've tried to instill in them past and present.

Here are some of them:

1.  She makes their house a home wherever it is or whatever shape it comes in.  It's welcoming.  It smells nice.  It's comfortable.  It's not a museum where her husband can't touch anything, nor is it a pile of chaos that requires a search and rescue team to find the couch.

2. She allows her husband to be a man.  No, he may not do the things the way you do, but he's a man.  Don't make him feel small because he doesn't do something the way you would.

3. She studies the Bible and chooses to apply it to her life.  She allows God to work in her, to shape her into becoming more like Jesus.

4. She wants her husband to soar.  She understands her husband needs to/must slay dragons.  You are his wife, not his mother.  Allow him to be dangerous.  Believe in him.  Encourage him to step out and try things even if he fails.  He has to try.

5. She appreciates her femininity and allows her husband to treat her with respect.

6. She understands what kind of animal she brought home.  If you wanted a lion, don't expect him to sit in your lap and purr.  In other words, you loved him for certain qualities, don't try to make him into some other person.  

7. She speaks well of her husband and gives him honor in front of her friends.  She doesn't sip coffee and tell that latest, "You won't believe what he did this time!" 

8. She knows when to speak and when to listen.  Some men require more time to open  up.  How can he if there's never any free air time?

9.  She prays and prays a lot.  She prays scripture over her husband, her family and herself.  She prays over her husband's perceived flaws rather than nagging him about them.

10. She creates a safe environment for her husband to be transparent.  Problems come.  No one's perfect.  But a prudent wife knows that when her husband is confessing vulnerability, she should listen and pray.  To blow up at him or to use it against him in the future will prevent any further truthful discussions.

11. She speaks words of affirmation to him.  He may not say it, but he does want your admiration and respect.

12. She dresses and carries herself in such a way that no one doubts her devotion to her husband.

13. She trusts her husband's leadership.  Yes, you are a team, but he is responsible to lead his family.  The more trust you demonstrate in him the more he's willing to step out in faith.

14. She cooks meat and purposely plans good meals.  It really is important to him.

15. She's careful with the budget.  She tries to make things last, recycles them, looks for bargains.  She doesn't compare him to others who may have more income.  She understands that the goal in a marriage is not things, but relationship.

16. She nurtures the children to respect and love their father.  She doesn't use them as a weapon or method to "make him pay."

17. She doesn't collect stamps.  This is an old example that John and I have used for years.  When we argue (and yes we do argue), we have learned not to pull out the whole stamp collection.  In other words, stick to the topic and don't pull out your whole "stamp album of complaints" and unleash them. She forgives and moves on.  She doesn't continue to rehearse his shortcomings.

18. She is confident in who God created her to be.  An insecure, whiny wife who needs constant reassurance exhausts her husband.

19. She takes care of herself.  She understands that she leads the home in health and wellness education.

20. She gives herself wholly to her husband because she trusts him.

21. She dreams with her husband.  She sits and talks with him and really listens.  She doesn't belittle his goals or withhold hers. 

22. She works hard.  She is diligent.  He knows that she will follow through in her responsibilities.

23.  She's fun to be around.  She smiles, she laughs, she knows how to have fun.

24.  She takes interest in things he's interested in.  She cares about it because he cares about it.

25.  She sets aside time just for them away from work and the children.  This not only tells him that he's important, this shows him.