The Wedding Cabinet

The Saloon (Sitting parlor)

The lady looked down at my wedding ring and clucked her tongue.  She began patting my shoulder as if to console me.  I finally asked her what she was trying to convey.  She said (in Arabic so the translation is very basic and probably sketchy), "You poor thing.  Your husband doesn't love you."

What?!  Why would she say that?  I later found out the reason.  My ring isn't made from gold.  It's silver.  Here gold is THE metal of choice when declaring one's love…gold and something else I just discovered…a wedding cabinet.

When we first arrived in our city, we began apartment hunting.  As I mentioned before, the apartment that we decided on had a beautiful view, but little else.  It required a lot of elbow grease, paint, new pipes and updates.  However, one thing it did have…a giant china cabinet full of breakables.

The Wedding Cabinet

I asked if the previous tenant had left it, but the landlord said that the cabinet was actually his wife's.  I was a bit confused.  If this belonged to his wife, then why was it on first floor when they lived on third floor.  Granted it would take a small village to get it up the stairs, but still…

His wife, Mena*, walked in and noticed that I was looking through the items of the cabinet.  She began to explain that this was her "wedding cabinet."  I guess I had a puzzled look on my face because she continued. 

"My husband gave me this cabinet to prepare for our wedding."

Oh, I now understood.  This is part of her dowry.  I have learned a few things about how engagements and weddings go here.  I know that this is not exhaustive knowledge, but it will help you see how the process happens.

Many times before the children are grown, parents have already discussed and agreed on whom they will marry when they are adults.  Usually the match comes from the same tribe for two reasons: 1) the family trusts their own tribe and 2) the money (dowry/inheritance) will then stay in the family.

 Once the children are marrying age, they become engaged through a contract signed by both families. (Once engaged, they may begin dating although never without proper supervision.)  This is a binding contract which is considered as serious as the marriage itself.  Following the signing, a celebration party is given and both sides of the families attend along with close friends.  During the party, the groom-to-be gives his fiancé a gift of gold jewelry.  Now we're not just talking about a ring.  The gift that he presents will usually contain a ring, necklace, bracelet(s), and earrings.  He may even be required to give her 2 sets depending on her family's requirements.

This is not just a sentimental act of romance.  This is a business transaction.  As I understand it in Islamic law, if a man divorces a woman the only settlement that she will receive is the gold that she wears as she walks out the door.  This is her pre-nup.

After the engagement party, the couple will marry in one year.  It is then the man's duty to prepare an apartment for them in which to live.  This apartment must be completely furnished down to the cups, spoons and working light bulbs.  If it's not ready, the marriage doesn't take place until it is.  

Our landlord, Abbas*, wasn't going to be living in a new apartment.  He was the last son still living with his family so he would bring his wife to live with him and his parents.  Nonetheless, he would still be required to show good faith by preparing for the wedding…thus, "The Wedding Cabinet."

As he earned money, he would first purchase the china cabinet and then begin filling it all the while keeping in mind the looming date of his wedding.  In many cases, the groom and his family will go to additional family members to ask for money so that he can purchase the gold and prepare the apartment.  The family members keep record of their giving and then when they have someone in their family get married, they know how much they can expect.

Mena began pointing out the different items in the cabinet.  She truly loved the items here, but why wasn't it upstairs?  The answer?  Simply no room.  In Abbas' exuberance he didn't consider how he would get the cabinet upstairs nor if there would be room to fit.  

So it was moved into this apartment and has been a part of each tenant's decor through the years.  I was ready to go into "fix it" mode and help her get her cabinet so she could enjoy it, but after speaking with her I realized that it was going to be staying with us.  I sighed a bit.  All that glass makes me very nervous.  I didn't want to be responsible for damage.  I suggested that maybe the items inside the cabinet could be carefully boxed up.  She smiled and shook her head no.  They are a set.  They go together.  The cabinet is locked and will stay that way.

Okay.  I'll make it work somehow.  I could appreciate her love for it.  It was a tangible declaration of her husband's thought and care.  It was also her emergency fund along with her jewelry.  

So now I carefully dust it and consider myself its guardian.  Just the other day I stopped to look at one of the shelves and noticed a ceramic goose smiling at me.  I laughed.  I had a goose very similar to that in 1987 when John and I first married.  They were all the rage.  Geese, country blue and peach everything in my kitchen.  I guess their traditions aren't so different after all...

*Not their real names
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Today's BOGO Blog:  Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?