Ahmed's Party

Everyone gathering for the party.

"You are invited," he began shyly, "to my engagement party on the last day of Eid."

"Engagement party!" John exclaimed, "You're getting engaged?"

Ahmed* gave a half smile and said, "Yes."

We both burst into exclamations of congratulations for our dear friend who had not mentioned a word about any particular girl until now.  He's rather shy and I suspect he knew it would cause great attention.

We immediately agreed to come.  John said, "I will even buy a new jalibaya (common local robe for men) for the occasion."

Ahmed told us that he would send a driver to our home to pick us up.  We thanked him for his thoughtfulness.

Our new duds...

The days of Eid (holiday or actually meaning "feast") passed festively as Muslims celebrated the end to the 30-day daylight fast or Ramadan. The souq (market) had been closed for the holiday so John and I had to wait until the night before Ahmed's party to purchase our new outfits.

John is very much a "search and destroy" type of shopper so we entered the souq at the exact shop we needed.  Purchased said jalibaya for him and abiya (women's robe) for me within 30 minutes.  Done and done.

We knew that these parties typically run long into the night so we had thought it best to take a nap prior to the big hoopla.

Around 9:30 pm we received a call from Ahmed saying that the driver should be arriving soon.  A friend of Ahmed's had agreed to share his car and pulled up right on time (within an hour give or take is very punctual here.)

The men's area of waiting...

We rode across town to a new section that we hadn't been to before.  Our city is half a million people so there's a lot we have yet to explore.  The roads became paths and the paths become alleys until we were in the correct area of the village where the width of a car would no longer fit.  I guess we will park here.

Our driver directed us up the alley toward loud music and flashing lights.  People in the village had already begun to line the path and we had to walk the gauntlet.  Everyone was very friendly greeting us along the way, but also declaring that "Khawaja" (foreigners) were coming.

As we approached the party, we evaluated who was where.  The men were seated in a side alley with benches and the women were inside the bride's family's home.  John and I said our goodbyes and I put on my brave pants and entered the room full of women.

I was immediately greeted by a girl about 20 who took my hand, introduced herself and directed me to sit on a padded bench.  Soon more and more women arrived.  All of them greeting one another and catching a side glance of me.  They came and shook my hand and took their place in the provided seating.  And there we waited.  Music played in the background, kids danced in the middle and the women spoke quietly to another.  

Happy Guests!

Around 11:30 pm an aunt of the host family walked in with a large tray of food and began passing out plates to all the guests.  I was one of the first ones served.  My plate contained a white sauce lasagne, zucchini stuffed with rice, pieces of beef, bread and tahina (sesame dip).  All of it was delicious, but I was especially conscious of the fact that everyone watched me and wanted to know what I thought of the food.  I made sure that I complimented the food many times loudly as I ate.

Ahmed's mother greeted me and insisted that I eat more.  She poured a glass of 7 up for me and told me to "Eat!  Eat!"

John in the men's area was also eating.  However, his is a different type of scene.  The men eat at long tables.  As they eat, they are silent.  They eat about half their plate and then get up and walk away.  

Dining quietly

I'm afraid that type of system would kill the women who were talking, laughing and asking each other about their day.

The plates were collected and we chit chatted some more.  I would answer a question and it would be passed along the room until everyone smiled and nodded.  Then another question.  I suppose it was a good diversion because the bride to be had not yet arrived from the coiffure (hair stylist).

It's tradition for the bride and her bridesmaids to all go to the hair salon for updos, henna and makeup.  This is an all day and mostly all night procedure.  Truly.

Around 1 am, one of the women announced that the bridal party had arrived.  Woo hoo!  Let's get this party rolling, I thought to myself.

We exited the house and gathered in the center of two intersecting streets.  Ahmed was dressed in a Western suit and tie.  The whole look shocked me.  I thought he would be in a very dressy jalabaya, but he had on our type of clothing!  

The whole village celebrates!

The bride wore a bright fuchsia dress that was completely bedazzled.  Her hair had been styled beautifully and she couldn't stop smiling.

Soon they were seated on a special bench.  A young girl approached them with a silver tray which held the engagement jewelry.  Ahmed gave his (now fiancé) a gift of gold jewelry consisting of 2 or 3 rings, a bracelet and necklace.  Ahmed received a silver ring to wear on his right hand during the engagement year.  After the wedding, he will change it to his left hand.

All of this is ceremonial since the families from both sides had already gone to the mosque for the contract signing which actually seals the engagement.  This is the fun recognition of that agreement.

After they exchanged the jewelry, guests began to approach to congratulate them.  Soon Ahmed's brothers told us to go up and shake their hands.  As we went, the bride's father insisted that we step up on the bench with them.  We told him that wouldn't be necessary, but he wouldn't relent.  John tried to step up in what would be equal to wearing a long formal gown and tried his best to keep the spectacle minimal.  However, the whole village was now watching the foreigners crawl up the bench and have their picture taken.  Oh, well.

The Much Ado Picture

The father took the picture (which turned out blurry), but we told him it was fine which allowed us to immediately crawl down and rejoin the crowd.

Ahmed's friend who drove us told us to follow him and he would take us back home.  As we were in the car, the driver stopped at the photography studio to confirm Ahmed's engagement photo session.  It would take place at 2 am.  Yes?  Yes.  We waited until Ahmed arrived and saw that everything was working out.

The car is decorated and ready!

We were then driven home.  We found out later that Ahmed returned to the party after the photo shoot for a short time of dancing.  Ahmed is quite shy so he put in the minimal time for dancing and ended the party.

As we were trying to wind down after the party, we reflected that we were the only Christians present among these beautiful people.  How privileged we were to be there, to say a pray for each one and to be allowed to participate in their lives.

We visited with Ahmed today and noticed that he had henna on both hands which marks him as a now-engaged man.  It will be his job over the next year to secure an apartment and furnishings prior to the wedding.  The wedding cannot take place until everything in the flat is purchased and completed. (Engagements typically last 1-5 years.)

Arriving at the photography studio

Ahmed thanked us for coming and we thanked him for including us.  We told him that at the wedding, however, we were staying the whole time and that both he AND John would be dancing.  He smiled and said, "This would be nice."

I, of course, will be videoing.

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*Not his real name