Cougar Cruises

A previous visit to our city in 2009

A few times I have likened life on this side of the pond as being like one who’s landed on Mars and is trying to see if the atmospheric pressure will provide sustainable life. In so many ways this place is just different from anything I’ve ever known., i.e. the food, the weather, the language, the clothes, the RELATIONSHIPS.

Wow. Relationships are complicated here. Now granted there are no known Egyptian versions of the Kardashians or shows like, “The Real Housewives of Cairo,” but there are situations I find myself in that I never saw coming…or understood once they did.

Most of the time John walks with me when we have errands to do in town but on some days when I’m meeting a friend or have a meeting, I walk alone. Now our city is around half a million people, but it doesn’t feel like it. We live in a nearby village, but even “town” still feels pretty small and safe. I enjoy the exercise especially when the temps are under 100º. (This will not happen again until September.)

Horse and Buggy Ride!

Something I did notice during some of these first solo walks were comments that the men would make as I would walk by. Some men sit alongside the Nile “boardwalk” as it were and try to gain customers for their sailboats or horse carriages. Others are there to visit with their friends. And the remaining ones hang out because they simply don’t have any other place to be.

The comments range from “Hello, whassyourname?” to “Felucca?” (Sailboat?) or “Hola, Amiga!” One of my favorites is “Welcome to Alaska!” (a particularly witty comment when it’s 120º).

A few have crossed the line, however, and go from shouting their questions to walking alongside me. “Whassyourname? Where are you from? You are fanTAStic! You want to be my second wife?”

Egypt 2009

To these questions, I give no answer. I simply put my head down and pick up the pace. When this first happened I was shocked. You see, when we lived in Cairo we had comments and camel offers pouring in constantly because of our two daughters. I didn’t like it, but we learned to deal with it.


In Sudan, we still had ongoing “negotiation-rejections” for the girls now and then, but my role as mother was understood. I was “old” and “used up” to put it in their vernacular. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. When the girls went to college, the remarks stopped. The pressure was off.

Sudan 2010

Now here in Upper Egypt, I was once again being assailed with comments and offers. What gives?! So exasperated from my experience I asked our local friends about it. They laughed. One said, “You can never be too old here!” Still another reminded me that Muslim men can have up to four wives and I should take it as a compliment.

I still couldn’t remove the dissonance in my brain over this issue. Finally, one friend said, “It’s because of the cruises.”

“Cruises?”

Fun on a NON-cougar cruise.

“Yes, the cruises. Boats come from the cities in the north with foreign women on them who travel alone. When they stop in the port, young Egyptian men will strike up a friendship with them. The lonely woman has then been known to invite the young man on board for the rest of the cruise during which she will pay his way, buy new clothes for him and give him some cash. At the end of the trip they part. She returns to her country and he looks for another boat.”

My jaw is on the floor.

“The women that are usually on these cruise ships are retired women in their 60s, 70s and even 80s. So you see, there is no age limit for potential companionship here.”

I’m stunned. I mean I understand that things like this exist, but this is the first time that it has been this close, this personal.

The cruise ship port

Sometimes to keep things on the “up and up” in the Muslim context the woman will “marry” the man temporarily. The contract will then be torn up at the end of the vacation. It’s also happened that some women will just remain married to these men and return periodically for visits. The man will also usually have at least one wife with children from his local tribe. 

John making new friends.

It’s considered an acceptable business practice here. Marriage is not viewed as a covenantal relationship. It’s a negotiation between families or in this case between perceived needs and wants. He wants cash, a green card and maybe a way out. She wants…well, you know what she wants.

Some might consider this topic too indelicate to discuss. I would agree except that it is part of my every day life. I have no choice but to face it and try to work this out in my brain and spirit.

Of course this doesn’t represent all of the men here or all of the marriages. We know some wonderful families who demonstrate love and respect to one another very well. Still it's a real part of this society and therefore something that I have to know about which turns my reluctant understanding into prayer for these dear people.

As for me, I still take walks and enjoy meeting people…but I steer clear of anyone who might be heading my way humming the theme from “The Love Boat.”

I guess I am all that AND a bag of chips.
(Bad joke.)