The Engagement Party

Ladies in waiting…and waiting... 

My German friend, Jeanette*, invited me to on a day trip to Luxor.  She would take care of some business at her bank, we'd lunch together and then we'd return later the same day.

I'm always up for a road trip so I readily agreed and met her at 7 am.  Our driver, Malachi*, was already at the gate waiting for us.  (Neither of us own cars so we hire transport whenever we need to travel.)  Before we left the city, Malachi picked up one of his friends so he'd have a relief driver. 

Our trip went well and soon we were on our way back, Jeanette having completed all her necessary tasks.  Malachi is a personable man who is Nubian.  He allowed his friend to drive while he regaled us with several different stories about Nubian customs.  

I mentioned that our oldest daughter was engaged and he began to tell us about responsibilities for the bride and groom in their culture.  For instance:

The Groom

Gold jewelry to be presented at the engagement (ring, necklace, bracelets, earrings)
A furnished apartment (complete with lightbulbs which will be checked by the bride's family) 
OR if the groom will live with his family, a wedding cabinet with a complete set of China
The wedding itself and all the trimmings (party following)
The honeymoon 
The wedding photos and video

The Bride

Her dress or dresses (I've seen up to 4)
The many salon visits for hair, makeup and henna
The dishes, pots and pans for the kitchen

It may seem a bit inequitable but the women here have to get the "goods up front" because there is the possibility that the man may not 1) have any additional money in the foreseeable future 2) may not want to buy anything additional if there's no incentive or 3) take another wife who would need the same exact setup.

We listened intently for over an hour when he said, "There is a wedding coming up this week!  You should come!"

I nodded and said, "That would be very nice."  I seriously didn't think it was a real invite because he only mentioned it once and normally you need at least 3 offers before you should consider it.

The days passed and Jeanette called to say that Malachi was serious about his offer and wondered if we wanted to join him.  I told her, "Why not?"

We were to be ready at 9 pm.  He would pick us up.  John and I knew that this would be a long evening so we took naps to prepare ourselves.  At 9, we received a call that said it would probably be closer to 9:30 before he came.  Then 9:30 became 10 and finally 10:30.  You have a choice at this moment:  1) get mad, blow a gasket and die early of stroke or 2) roll with it and watch a movie until you get the official "go."

10:30 arrived and so did Malachi.  Jeanette joined us so we piled in the car and made our way to a restaurant named "Pharaoh."  All of the tables had been removed and the chairs were pushed to the perimeter.  Malachi introduced us to a man who looked a lot like a Nubian James Brown.  He greeted us and lit a cigarette while pulling a chair out for John.  John and I nodded at each other and knew that this would be the last we'd see of each other for a while.  No mixing at these events.

Jeanette and I greeted each lady with a handshake, a "Hi, How are you?" in our best Arabic and a few kisses on the cheek.  We were certainly causing a hubbub throughout the crowd, but have grown used to our "anomaly status."  We sat down on a bench beside a woman with a small girl.  I chatted a bit with her and noticed a couple women from my neighborhood.  I rose and crossed the room knowing that every eye was on me.  

We chatted for a while and I took my place again on the bench.  There were probably 100 women and 75 men there by this time, however the bride and groom had not yet arrived.  "Lissa," (not yet) they said.

Malachi checked on us and brought us each a small glass of tea with 3 teaspoons of sugar and mint leaves.  We sipped and waited.  Waited and sipped.  A small band had set up right by my head and I realized that I had chosen poorly for location.  A DJ started playing from a playlist Nubian pop music along with a sampler CD of American music which included jazz, rock, rap and country.  I chuckled to myself.  

A joy-filled event!

A shriek startled me and I tried to find out where it came from.  A small boy was being shooed away from the musical instruments and he was ticked.  He screamed and screamed.  None of the women moved.  None of them cared.  This was the biggest excitement they'd had in a while and they weren't going to let a banshee ruin it for them.  Soon his big brother (I assume) came and stuck a piece of candy in his mouth and he calmed down.

I began to tip over around midnight and wondered truly if someone had forgotten to invite the bride and groom.  Someone once again reassured me that they were indeed coming.

Around 12:30 am, a group of people began to make their way up the steps to the main door of the restaurant.  When I saw the videographer with the flood light I knew they had arrived.  Women began ululating and 4 men were beating on the tabalas (local drums).  The groom wore a suit and tie while the bride had on a royal blue dress with enough bling to make a Vegas chorus girl jealous.  

I asked about the blue dress and someone informed me that this was their engagement party, not a wedding party…thus any color could be worn.  Oooooooh, at least I was right about it being a party.

They came in dancing and smiling and soon all the women rose to clap, dance and join in.  I was wedged between a speaker and tea table so thankfully I couldn't be pulled out to contribute my dance moves.

The "welcome" dance continued for about 20 minutes.  After the music stopped all the women began rushing to the engaged girl to congratulate her while the men patted the back of the groom and giving him hugs.

Groom (Left) and Bride (Right in Blue)

I asked someone where they had been prior to this and they said:

First, the families signs the official legal contract.

Second, the groom goes to his home to get dressed while the bride and her friends go to the salon for hair and makeup. (This takes hours…)

Third, the bride and groom meet at a photographer where their engagement photos are taken complete with green screen which allows them to be in front of the Eiffel Tower and near the Leaning Tower of Piza.  This also takes hours…)

Fourth, the couple then exit the photographer to a group of happy family members dancing about them.  They join in the dance.

Fifth, The couple get into a car with a long line of cars and drive all over town honking.

Sixth, The couple and entourage finally arrive at their engagement party.

The dancing resumed and the restaurant was packed.  Standing room only and even that was up close and personal.  Jeanette asked if we could move outside away from the speaker.  Being a kind gracious friend who was now only able to read lips, I agreed.

More people were outside and at the windows looking in.  A man walked up to us, handed us a juice box and kept walking.  Another man who had befriended John presented us with another cup of tea.  We sipped and visited wondering when a proper exiting time would present itself.

The party's a rockin'

We had discovered that once the music starts, no further discussions could take place.  It is simply too loud.  Malachi found us and said, "Oh, this is the first singer.  There are 3 more.  All night!"  Jeanette (who is older) told him that she wouldn't be able to to stay all night.  I rode on her "excuse coattails" and agreed.  The process of leaving usually takes a while so you have to start long before you intend to go.

Slowly, slowly we repeated our goodbyes and thanks.  Malachi understood and told us, "Next time you rest first and then stay up all night."  We laughed and said, "We would remember that."

The children from the village were still going strong and the drums were heard long into the night.  As we made our way to the car, more people were continuing to arrive.  The party was just getting started.  It was 1:30 am.

Malachi took us home and said that he would return for a bit more dancing.  I told John he could return with him if he wanted.  He laughed and said thanks for being so generous.

I went to bed that night thanking the Lord for these amazing people who so warmly open their hearts and lives to us on a daily basis.  Sure events like this wear me out, but investing in people takes time and effort.  The more I know about them, the more I know how to pray for them.  The more I pray for them, the more my heart grows in love for them.  So bring it on…these all night dance parties.  Maybe I'll introduce them to Kirk Franklin next time…

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*Not their real names

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